The Rite (2011)

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By: SG2

Based on true events, Michael Kovak (Colin O'Donoghue), a student in doubt about his faith in seminary school, is sent to Italy to take a course on exorcism.

There, he meets up with Father Lucas (Anthony Hopkins), a Welsh exorcist who is treating people Kovak believes to be mentally ill. It’s Science versus Religion, Crucifixes versus Screaming Possessed People, and the Devil performing abortions!

Who is this stoner kidding?

When I was a young boy I learned about exorcism from 1973’s The Exorcist. I was probably 5 years old when I saw it. Whenever the girl would speak with a demonic voice I’d pull the covers over my head and hide from what I thought was the Devil trying to possess me.

Could this be real, I wondered? Does the Devil really take over your body and do bad things to you? I grew up Catholic, and of course my parents said it was. In fact, they told me if I didn’t believe in God, Jesus, and all the Saints, what happened in the movie would happen to me. It’s no wonder why I’m weird.

A Toast

I raise my first glass of beer to Anthony Hopkins. He plays Father Lucas, a Welsh priest who was once a doctor, but now an exorcist. In this film he lives in Rome, thus speaking Italian, which he did really well. If he faked it, he fooled me. Speaking, arguing, and performing an exorcism in Italian was definitely something to be noted.

***Bit of a spoiler***

Without a doubt the best and most shocking scene is during his transition from Father Lucas to a possessed demonic man. He’s at a park, staring into the distance, when from behind a precious little girl walks up to him and asks if he’d bless her teddy bear. His eyes slowly look toward the little girl and, without warning, she is bitch-slapped and sent packing. This was epic in the sense that I believe it will be parodied. “Will you bless my… insert anything you’re carrying…” SLAP!

Enough said.

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Michael Kovak is played by Colin O’Donoghue, a pretty face that can’t carry this movie kind of like Tom Welling in The Fog. A native of Ireland, he convinced me that he had an American accent. So in that respect I like him. However, when there were scenes with just him, I started to get bored and started looking at the time. I don’t think he was right for The Rite. This role needed someone less serious and a bit more loose.

I even bore myself.

Beer Three

When the Devil performs his abortion, I decided it was time to take a drink. This was more than just a touch of symbolism, it was basically saying abortions are works of the Devil. Rosaria (Marta Gastini) is a pregnant 16 year old who was raped by her father. If this isn’t bad enough, she’s also been possessed by the devil.

She also happens to be one of Father Lucas’s patients. When his exorcisms fail to rid her body of the demon she ends up in the hospital where she rants and curses. While she’s tied down she has a major demonic episode. Her baby monitor machine begins to beep rapidly and a pool of red blood forms in her bed. It’s clear the movie has a certain ideology it is conveying here, but for myself, I thought it was a big stretch. If anything it was a severe miscarriage, but in Italian it was referred to as an ‘aborto.’ Ridiculous.

Look out, he’s got a cross!

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Formulaic writing and editing really brought this movie down for me. Picture this; a boy walks in late to class. The teacher notices him, and shames him in front of everyone in the class. Later, the boy contributes an intriguing thought in front of everybody and wins the mind of a love interest.

I just described a scene in the movie but you could use this for countless teen movies, scary movies, any movie. Towards the end of the movie there’s an “I believe in you” line and I just roll my eyes, angry, that I’m watching this movie. Oh, and the guy gets the girl at the end. We all win, right?

Verdict

If you are looking for a scary date movie, this one could be it. It’ll give you some cheap scares. If you’re an Anthony Hopkins fan, you’ve seen a version of his performance before with Hannibal Lecter. It’s a little different, but maybe not worth the 9 dollars + popcorn to see. Still, if you’re a faithful Catholic, I dare you to go see this movie late at night and then go home to sleep. It may not happen.

The Mechanic (2011)

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By: Oberst von Berauscht (4 Beers)

Let me start by saying that I haven’t seen the original 1972 Charles Bronson version of The Mechanic, so this review and my opinions therein are based solely on this experience.

The Mechanic follows Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham), a star hitman for an international shadow corporation that specializes in high profile murder. One day he is asked to kill his mentor and only close friend, Harry McKenna, (Donald Sutherland) on the evidence that he may have betrayed the organization. After fulfilling his job, he befriends Harry’s son Steve (Ben Foster), who now wishes to become Bishop’s apprentice.

A Toast

Praise is due for the rather unique approach this film has in its story elements. For a movie being marketed as the next Transporter or Crank, this is a surprisingly modest film. Of course, that is kind of like calling JWoww normal just because she isn’t the most vapid soulless shill on the Jersey Shore.

15 minutes ticking

By modest, I mean the film takes its time in developing the characters and story, allowing for more detail than you’d expect from an action film. In this way it certainly reflects its 70’s origins.

Jason Statham is certainly the right actor for this role, showing the sophistication and swagger you want to see from a stylized anti-hero. Ben Foster is interesting as well, aptly playing the black sheep son with a violent streak. In one particular sequence, while performing his first hit, he chooses to forego subtlety and planning in favor of brute force.

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For all its strengths, the film feels like a missed opportunity. For one, it still appeals to several action film clichés that have begun to plague Hollywood. First of all, there are several extended sex scenes which have no bearing on the plot. These scenes develop a relationship Statham’s character has with New Orleans hooker Sarah, played by Mini Anden, whose wooden dialog is a clear-cut representation of her acting ability.

In other words, slash and burn

I’m a guy. I understand why they put these scenes in action movies, but these particular trysts, which ostensibly are meant to show another side of Statham, ultimately feel like crass exploitation.

Beer Three

The film is also edited quite manically, with many random cuts. This leads me to believe that much of the film was subject to reshoots or at least hastily touched up in post-production. Fast cutting between scenes using seemingly random coverage is a lazy attempt to make the film feel edgy and fast paced. As I covered earlier, the film’s strength is that it doesn’t have to move at a blistering pace to build tension and character. Somebody in the editing room missed the memo.

This is how it's done

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(Spoilers!)

The greatest missed opportunity of the film is in the ending. It is important to note that Statham and Ben Foster do not play good guys in this film; they are only slightly higher up on the moral ladder because they are at least not intentionally treasonous. At the end of the film, shortly after the dispatch of the film’s antagonist, there was a brief moment where poetic justice seems to have visited everyone else. Why the producers chose to destroy this creative and unique ending in favor of sequel possibilities is obvious.

Verdict

Tagged and bagged

Rabbit Hole (2010)

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By: Henry J. Fromage (2 Beers)

There have been some films dealing with some tricky subjects this year, from The Kids Are All Right’s exploration of a sperm-donor’s first contact with his grown-up children and their mothers to Blue Valentine’s much less cheery no-holds-barred examination of a relationship dying. None of these subjects are nearly so tough, however, as that of Rabbit Hole.

Enjoy this picture. Refer back if you become too depressed.

A Toast

The quandary is, just how do you get over losing a child? When do you return to normal? Is that even possible? The toast isn’t to this situation, of course, but to the humanity and profundity those associated with the production employ in the explanation of this issue.

The film is based on a play by David Lindsay-Abaire, who also penned the script for this film. The dialogue is smart and authentic, and avoids that scripted feel that too many adaptations of plays seem to have. The direction by John Cameron Mitchell is excellent, and some of the innovative shots he uses are brilliantly effective and understated.

Something he doesn’t have a lot of experience with

Aaron Eckhart and Nicole Kidman play the grieving parents. Both performances are great, and capture two very different methods of grieving. This causes quite a bit of friction, and the resultant sparks are played up to perfection by the actors. Kidman in particular is amazing, especially in the scenes with the teenager who ran over her son. Her recent Oscar nomination is well-deserved.

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The only bone I have to pick is the relative shortness of the flick. It’s not often that a movie needs to be longer…

And often the opposite

…but this is one that could have used more development. The supporting cast all turn in good performances, especially Miles Teller as the teenager and Sandra Oh as another grieving mother who provides a possible dalliance for Eckhart. They are effective foils for our main characters, but not at all well-rounded in their own right. They feel like human plot devices, and the film could really have been something special if it had explored them a little further.

Pictured: A Human Plot Device

Verdict

Devastating performances and good direction make this more than your usual stage-play to movie transplant. Give it a watch.

Restrepo (2010)

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By: Henry J. Fromage (A Toast)

One of the first scenes in this documentary opens in a Humvee on a mountain road in Afghanistan. A soldier’s conversation with the cameraman is interrupted by a whump and debris hitting the windshield. The soldier informs us that they just hit an IED before barreling out of the Humvee to engage the enemy. Welcome to a day in the year of the life of a soldier in Afghanistan’s Korengal Valley, “the most dangerous place in the world.”

warmingglow.upgroxx.com (2010)

Finishing a close second…

The cameraman in the humvee is Sebastian Junger, who describes that incident as the time he almost died. Judging by later footage, it couldn’t be the only time. He and Tim Hetherington ballsily shot the film while on assignment for Vanity Fair.

Known for their cutting-edge journalism

A Toast

It is pretty much impossible to find fault with the film because of the nature of it. While there are a few after-the-fact interviews, and obviously all of the footage had to be cut into a couple of hours, Junger and Hetherington refrain from forming a narrative or giving you their opinions about the whole situation. They just tell you, or rather, show you how it is.

You live and experience the soldiers’ hopes and fears, moments of boredom, terror, and exhilaration, the sophomoric banter and heartfelt realizations, as they live them. No film has captured so distinctly what it feels like and means to be a soldier in wartime because no other film can. Recreation is not reality.

What also deserves to be applauded is the unique window into U.S.-Afghani relations this film provides. The captain of the unit and new leader of operations in the valley holds periodic meetings with village elders to “win hearts and minds.”

fekrat.org (2010)

Also, the secret to that sweet beard-dye

When they ask about civilian casualties or detainees, they’re simply told that things are being handled differently under the new captain. A villager who had his cow killed and eaten by soldiers after it had wandered into razor wire is told he can’t be given the five hundred dollars it cost, but, rather its weight in rice, beans, and sugar. Good luck turning that into another cow.

My bad, apparently you can get milk from rice…

The villagers clearly don’t get some things, either. They want to know when a terrorist who committed a beheading will return to his village. Yeah, don’t hold your breath.

Restrepo clearly shows this painful inability to communicate on both sides, and furthermore gives us a little-understood perspective into our “unwinnable” wars. Until some sort of line of communication can be reached between our cultures, I wouldn’t hold our breaths, either.

Verdict

It’s not as flashy or opinionated as more famous documentaries, but this is as good an example of the craft as any you’re likely to see.

Trailer Reviews, Week 2

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The Mechanic

So, Jason Statham is remaking a Charles Bronson vehicle about an assassin? Sounds about right. Wait, Ben Foster’s in it? Well, maybe…

There’s no hamstring spearing in this trailer, but there is just about the entire plot. If we’re not seeing scenes from the climax at the end there, I’d be a monkey’s uncle.

Which is not as fun as it sounds

Beer Prediction

There will be plenty of shit blowing up, and Ben Foster’s inclusion gives me hope that it will be a bit smarter than your average actioner. Still, I’m betting that the plot will be paint-by-numbers.

The Rite

This trailer starts out well, looking like a polished and creepy new exorcist tale. This territory has spawned some of the most frightening movies of all time. At the end, though, we get a CGI demon face and “Everything you believe will change.”

The t.v. spots for this one have been making other claims like “Anthony Hopkins’ best performance” and “You’ll believe in the devil.” Overcompensating much?

Beer Prediction

Anthony Hopkins could always elevate this one, but he’s signed up for plenty of crap over the years. The trailers show enough of its hand to make me think this will be more of the same.

Red (2010)

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By: Henry J. Fromage (3 Beers)

A team of former CIA operatives eligible for the AARP band together to try to figure out who’s trying to kill them off and kick some ass.

A Toast

There’s nothing wrong with a popcorn flick, and that’s exactly what Red is. It’s got about everything you’d want- stuff blowing up, wisecracking action stars, Ernest Borgnine… yep, Ernest Borgnine. He may be 140 and look like Yoda, but he can still carry a scene. This guy’s first movie was in 1951, for crying out loud, and that was after a distinguished ten-year career in the U.S. Navy. He won an Academy Award before Tom Hanks was even born. The fact that he can do more than drool and mumble racist slurs is amazing, much less remember lines.

He will fuck you up.

More props are deserved by Helen Mirren, who somehow gets sexier as she gets older, and John Malkovich and his stuffed pig, which bring both the crazy and the boom. There’s also a pretty filthy-sweet car crash scene which is about as bad-assed as anything you’d hope to see. All of the action scenes are damn good, actually, which is pretty critical for a flick like this.

The final swig goes to the editing, which is pretty much a star itself. I particularly liked the splicing of action and comedy scenes, which kept you gasping and laughing the whole time… kinda like having your cake and eating it too.

Beer Two

Unfortunately, the plot was about as conventional as it comes. I’m pretty sure if you sat some monkeys down to watch a representative sample of blockbuster action movies, you’d only need about two typewriters to churn out this script.

Or maybe just one if he’s wearing overalls.

Everything that you think will happen, happens. If you’ve ever used crayons successfully, you’ll figure out each “twist” twenty minutes early.

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This one is a scripting issue as well: the dialogue is very hit-or-miss, leaning heavily to the “miss” side. Lines like “Wow, you really ARE CIA!” abound, although you’ll have to add the wah, wah, wah sound in your head.

I don’t want to crack on this movie too bad, though. The director and cast save this one. You put the Wild Hogs cast in this with Brett Ratner directing and you’d need an Everclear I.V. to make this liveable. In the end Red’s a nice flick to pop some kernels to with some pretty sick action sequences, and I’ll take that every time.

Never again.

Verdict

Watch it. It’s a fireball-filled popcorn flick that’s not entirely stupid, which is nice for once.

Secretariat (2010)

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By: Oberst von Berauscht (4 Beers)

A Toast

Secretariat is a workmanlike sports film. It boasts strong, well-cast performances, and well-shot race sequences that hold your attention. Too bad about just about everything else…

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Filmmaker Randall Wallace has a knack for sentimentality, even in a film as bloodily honest about its violence as We Were Soldiers managed to romanticize its characters in storybook fashion.

God bless us, everyone. Except for Commies.

And while he may have gotten away with it that time, (There will always be a place in my heart for John Wayne Mel Gibson Sam Elliott movies) Secretariat pushes the quantity of saccharine to levels that would kill Frank Capra.

Or George Bailey

Beer Two

I think it is fair to say the sub-genre of horse films has enough entries in it already. Much has been said about this film’s numerous similarities to the 2003 movie Seabiscuit. I won’t comment too much on that, other than to say that familiarity can breed contempt. So, if I am not to judge the film on originality, I am left with little else than to judge it on its own merits as a “Horse Movie”.

Quality films in this category tend to have strong actors, whether known or unknown, and this film does deliver on that. The feeling you are left with is that some of the secondary characters are underutilized and that the film focuses a bit too much on Diane Lane. She does her best with the material, but for a story about a horse, Secretariat spends little time with the characters most responsible for making the horse what he was.

John Malkovich gets the most exposure as flamboyant trainer Lucien Laurin; every scene he shares with Lane ignites a quirky chemistry that should have been given more depth by the filmmakers. Actors Nelsen Ellis and newcomer Otto Thorwarth also turn in noteworthy efforts, as the horse’s caretaker and jockey respectively. It is a damn shame they weren’t given more than a cursory treatment in the screenplay. (If you’re going to compare this to Seabiscuit, consider the ample screen time given Tobey McGuire and Chris Cooper.)

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Chug this one fast as you can, because for a movie set in the late 60’s-early 70’s, the treatment it gives the external struggles is elementary at best. It feels at times like no one involved in the film did any research or lived through the period. While I did not either, I can say with some certainty that the hippies have never appeared cleaner, better adjusted, and more harmless.

©2005 Jason McBry

Senator, I know hippies, some hippies are friends of mine. You, sir, are no hippie…

Beer Four

The final drink that’ll get you through this mess is for the pure predictability of the whole affair. Historical films often have this problem. There is a delicate balance that should be maintained. And because of the nature of the Triple Crown, we are left with a movie that has three climaxes (which isn’t as good as it sounds).

If the other flaws of the film had been addressed, this wouldn’t have been as big a deal. Better historical dramas have been made of less interesting events. In the end, we all know that William Wallace will invade Poland and hit the iceberg.

Verdict

No Sir, I don’t like it.

Broadcast News (1987)

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By: Henry J. Fromage (2 Beers)

Three people follow their destinies while working for a television news show, balancing their careers with an on-again, off-again love triangle. Oh, and Holly Hunter’s voice is just crazy.

A Toast

James L. Brooks has made a career out of character-driven romantic dramedies such as Terms of Endearment and As Good as It Gets, and Broadcast News is one of his best. The writing is smart, the subject matter- the inner workings of TV news- is both compelling and informative, and the acting is superb.

A libation to the beginning of the film, which shows the film’s three principal characters in childhood and then forecasts what they grow up to be. It’s a novel approach that’s equal parts humor and commentary and delivered excellently.

Give a guess what he’ll be.

Holly Hunter and Albert Brooks do great acting jobs, and Brooks in particular serves as a sort of moral compass for the film and a good contrast to Hunter’s motivated yet romantically indecisive character and John Hurt’s prettyboy buffoon who both meander through life like a bull in a china shop without knowing the effect their decisions have on others.

That didn’t go so well…

Hurt in particular is excellent as a man who is too handsome and magnetic to fail, no matter what his feelings are in the matter. He is acutely aware of limitations of his intelligence and ability, and is trying work in spite of those. Hurt captures these nuances like a maestro and is worth the price of admission all by himself.

2^nd Beer-

It’s hard to find too much trouble with this movie, although it isn’t perfect. Some of the jokes fall flat or have that awful 80s corniness.

copyright © Erica Englert 2009

Just… horrifying.

Holly Hunter’s very distinctive accent deserves a slug, especially when you get to where the novelty wears off and you realize it’s the exact opposite of sexy. Then Joan Cusack started talking and I realized just how annoying annoying can get. She’s only in the movie about five minutes, but each one is excruciating.

Kill it with fire.

Verdict

Watch it. This is one of the best movies about the television industry out there.