By: SG2 (5 Beers)
Malcolm (Martin Lawrence) aka Big Momma returns to the big screen, finding yet again a motive to go undercover as a grossly obese tranny to solve yet another case! Only this time, his stepson, Trent (Brandon T. Jackson), witnesses a murder and must also go into disguise by tucking in his penis and putting on a fat suit to stay off the killer’s radar!
Like Father Like Stepson is more accurate, but who cares?
A Toast
Big Momma’s House (BMH) was always a guilty pleasure of mine. There is indeed a Fat Suit Comedy Genre, and some people love or hate it. I personally find these movies entertaining, in a B-Movie sort of way. And by B-Movie I mean Beer-Movie! It gives me an excuse to really sit back and break out a few cool ones. I raise my first glass to Martin Lawrence for keeping the fat suit genre alive. For when the Big Momma’s House 4 movie is announced, I can raise my arms, point to the air, and say, “YES! BEER WILL BE DRANK!”
Like a suppository: relax and let it slide in!
Beer Two
The plot of the film is worthy of my second beer. Malcolm is in the FBI, and his son Trent is an aspiring rap-star. Trent wants his father to sign a contract that would release him to begin his rap career, while Malcolm would prefer Trent go to college. Trent decides to stalk his father while he’s working on a case in an effort to change his mind and ends up seeing Malcolm’s informant being killed.
From there they flee into hiding at an all girls art school because of a tip the informant said in his dying breath. Now, disguised in fat suits, they are searching the school for a memory stick that can put all of the suspects away for good. Just in case you didn’t know what was going on, the Malcolm and Trent will start a dialogue that would recap everything that just happened and what it must mean, which I thought was kind of Scooby-Dooish.
Trent: Let me get this straight… this is a murder investigation?!
Malcolm: I’m part of the FBI, aren’t I?
Trent: True… true…
Me: REALLY?!
Beer Three
I recommend you shotgun two beers immediately after the high school musical-esque song and dance scene. The school the two trannys are investigating is an all girls performance and art school with students of questionable talents in singing, dancing, and musical arts. Trent, who goes by Charmaine, is asked to show off her talent, which she claims is rapping. Charmaine begins to rap.
At first, no one is impressed except for one girl, Haley (Jessica Lucas), whose own talent is singing and playing the piano. This snowballs into synchronized dance and Big Momma hoping on a table doing the washer-machine arms tucked in fist up dance that we now associate with chubby armed fat women everywhere.
Not the best description, but painful.
Beer Four
I think the photo below explains it all, but let me give it a shot. Charmaine, acting as a student, goes to her figure drawing class. There, a beautiful black woman is about to disrobe when Big Momma comes in and objects. The fuck!? She then goes on explaining why a skinny girl shouldn’t be drawn because it’s an unfair representation of the women in America today. Sad, but true! You see this joke coming a mile away, as Big Momma is asked to pose for the figure class.
A strong breeze can be dangerous in a scene like this.
Beer Five
The duet between Charmaine and Haley was ooh-oh-oh-oh lame. So, Charmaine convinces Haley to go on a date with her cousin, Trent. The date starts off rocky, but then ends up in a piano room where they improvise a song that Haley is nervous about performing the next day. They come up with a duet and Trent promises to show up for it. But, because he’s under cover, he can’t show up. Instead, Charmaine appears on the stage and takes Trent’s part, blowing his cover. Ahhh, beer me!
“Now, that’s the high C I’m looking for.”
Verdict
Take it from me, as a person who usually enjoys these flicks, this one is not worth your time. I decided to give it one short of a 6 Pack because it has a couple of really funny jokes, so it wasn’t an entire waste of time.
I would like to see Big Momma redeem herself, but judging by the effort made from this movie and its opening weekend revenues, I don’t think they will pump money into another. That would probably be for the best.
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