By SG2 (Six-Pack)
Professional softball player Lisa Jorgensen (Reese Witherspoon) ponders over two men, one she’s dating who is a successful self-centered millionaire athlete and the other is a lonely stalker who happens to be a corporate executive being investigated for fraud. Who will she go with in the end? And why isn’t the answer “none of the above”?
A Toast
This first beer goes to James L. Brooks’ ability to put together a ridiculously good cast and squand it in the end. Brooks is Hollywood royalty, who has 19 Prime Time Emmy’s to his name having produced such programs as The Simpsons and the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Brooks is so well connected in Hollywood, should his fart squeak an audible demand for an absurdly good cast, he can get it! How Do You Know is now the best example for film criticism courses all over college campuses as a film that demonstrates a complete waste of talent. James L. Brooks, this beer is for you.
Trust me guys! It’ll turn out OK!
Beer Two
I recommend you chug this beer quick for the script, which is awful. The film follows Lisa Jorgensen who is 31 years old and having not made the cut of the Olympic softball team this year, now has very little to look forward with her career and everything else… namely romance. The script goes into complexities of relationships and asks questions that are never really addressed. I hated Lisa because she seemed like a lost puppy with no direction and would put up with whatever wouldn’t leave her side. I never felt like the characters were growing in this film, except for George (Paul Rudd), who grew more and more obsessed than any normal person should.
Leave me alone. So you want me to leave you alone then? Yes. You, want me, to leave. Yes. Cause I’ll leave. Finally. No seriously, is it my tie? …
Third Beer
I guess this could be considered an Addendum to the second beer, but George (Paul Rudd) is a loser that is not worth rooting for. He’s a business executive who is being investigated for fraud. He works for his father Charles (Jack Nicholson). He’s unnaturally calm throughout the film. He happens to be dating an Indian Professor who breaks up with him because she wants to focus on her teaching career. Bad thing after bad thing happens, so at his lowest point he decides to go on a blind date he had awkwardly canceled near the beginning of the film (with Lisa Jorgensen). In the end, you really can’t root for George though the script indicates we should because he’s a creep, stalker, and doesn’t pick up all the “she’s not really into you” hints.
All I can smell is rotten tomatoes and booze. What should I do, Jack?
Beer Four
By the fourth beer you begin to wonder whether or not the actors read the script before agreeing to do this movie. This question sneaks into everyone’s mind. This very thought warrants a beer. Don’t these A-list actors have a management team or agents that read through the scripts? Whoever was responsible for OKing being a part of this project on should be fired. Perhaps this film wasn’t about making the movie, but about who you’re making the movie with and strengthening your network. This most definitely helped out Paul Rudd and Owen Wilson. Jack Nicholson did As Good As It Gets for Brooks before, so he probably did this as a favor. Reese on the other hand, I haven’t quite connected the dots. You know what, don’t bother, not worth another moment of thought.
I don’t get it. So it must be good. Right?
Beer Five
When Lisa Jorgensen and George try to help recreate a wedding proposal that was supposed to be caught on tape and turns out wasn’t. This scene went on longer than it should have and had me cringing.
STOP IT! STOP!!!
Beer Six
Don’t want to spoil this, but when Lisa Jorgensen ultimately chooses between two losers she goes with the bigger loser, the one who is more like the suckers who would enjoy a movie like How Do You Know.
Verdict
This movie is toxic and doesn’t deserve a moment of your time. Though, there was a line that I thought was very nice in this film. It was the following advice for all people: “Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.” I personally to prevent an abomination like this from ever happening again. Now, where did I put Mr. Brooks’ phone number?
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a drink: anytime there is an awkward moment between Paul Rudd and Reese Witherspoon.
Take a drink: for every obscenity blurted out by Jack Nicholson.
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